Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'm Buying

You wanna drink?

I'm fine.

Come on, I'm buying.

I don't even know if they have a wine list here.

They have wine here. It's for the wives.

Well, I'm not one of the wives.

God, you just need to relax. You wanted to see what it was all about. Weren't you the
one saying you can handle strip clubs?

Oh, I can handle strip clubs.

I can see that. Let me get you a bottle of white wine.

God, these girls are gorgeous.

There you go, see. Now you're having a good time.

They're everywhere. It's like the playboy mansion.

It's a mans heaven.

What is it for women?

A place where I'm going to buy all of your drinks. You're getting drunk tonight.

How could you want to have sex with a normal girl after all this?

What do you mean?

I mean, it must be a let down. Jesus. I don't look like that.

It's just a bit of fun. Come on. This is Vegas, the whole thing is a fantasy.

I don't feel too fantastic.

Look. The most beautiful women in the world are here. Can't you drink to that?

I like the night clubs better. I like it when men are competing to buy me drinks.

So basically you like it when the shoe is on the other foot?

I guess you're right. I like having the upper hand. I like feeling like I have a shot in hell
of getting picked out of the crowd.

You'll get picked out of here. Men love women who go to strip clubs.

What's the point? I'm the runner up to whoever is on stage. I'm just a projection of that
girl they paid to see.

You're always a projection of whatever a guy wants you to be.

That's comforting.

That's life.

I can't believe you told me I was attractive.

You are.

Yeah but you spend so much time here.

I don't.

Well you spend enough time here. Your bar for attractiveness is pretty high.

These are girls at a strip club. You're a girl from the real world. You're attractive. All
guys everywhere want to fuck you.

No, they want to fuck her.

They want to fuck both of you. I'm sorry men are pigs. We have reptilian brains. We
like to fuck. You said you wanted to come to a strip club.

Well I'm here, aren't I?

What are you getting worked up over? This is all fake. The women, the booze, the
lights. Vegas. This whole city isn't real.

I'm real. You're real.

You and I. We're trying not be real tonight.

So I'm going to pretend that I'm the girl that goes to strip clubs. You're going to try to be
pretend that you're not my boss.

Once we cross state lines, honey, I'm not your boss.

I think I'll take the chardonnay.


The wine. I'm sure they have it. I bet the wives who come to strip clubs get chardonnay.
How many of these girls have had sex?

All of them.

I don't mean fucking, I mean sex. You know, with someone who cares about them?

A couple of them, maybe. Probably none.

So then I guess I have one leg up on the strippers

You have more than just one leg up.

Well now she has her legs up.

Ha. See there's that wit. You haven't given up on me yet.

Given up on you?

Yeah. Given up on me because I'm a dirty old man.

Well right now you are. Why did you want me to come here?

You said you wanted to see Sapphire.

Oh. I get it. This was all for me.

No. It's obviously for me because I'm a pervert. I'm everything you think guys are. At
least I'd admit it.

Doesn't it weird you out to be here? I mean, you had to come to Vegas for a funeral.
Isn't that a little weird? There's someone in a coffin and there's someone in a g-string.

There's always someone in a coffin and someone in a g-string. I'm in Vegas. I like
strippers. Monday I'll mourn.

What about your daughter? She's about the age of these girls.

How many drinks do I need to buy you before you stop asking these fucking questions?


Alright. Here's $200. Get whatever the fuck you want.

Thanks Daddy warbucks.

Don't spend it all on one girl.

I'll stick to the wine.

You can get wine all over California. Have a little fun. Get a lapdance. You're not dead

Neither are you but you're acting like you're going to die tomorrow.

We're all going to die tomorrow.

We're all going to die. We're all going to end up in a pine box. What the hell is the point, Mike?

Only you would ask me about the meaning of life at a strip club.

You invited me.

I thought you'd be drunker. I thought you'd have fun.

Why did you bring me here?

I wanted to see you.

You always see me.

I wanted to see you outside of work. I wanted to see you having fun. Why are YOU

Same. You really think all of the guys in this room would want to fuck me?


All of them?

Yes. You're the office girl by day. And at night you're the one taking off your clothes on
top of a bar. You like to pretend to be an angel but you're not.

You like to pretend to be the devil and you're not. Maybe we need shots?

Whiskey shots. Everyone thinks I'm the devil, might as well be the devil.

How many girls has the devil slept with?

Wait. Sex or fucking?

I don't know, I'm getting drunk.

16. No. 17. And the angel?

6. Any strippers?

No. I think one was a dancer but it's hard to tell. Women say things when they drink.

So do men.

Who was that guy you were talking to before?

Which one?

The one at the bar.

I don't know. He was from Australia. I was just being friendly.

Friendly. Was he your type?


Point to a guy here and tell me which one is your type.

I don't think my type of guy is here.

Oh he's here. Every type of guy is here.

Do you think the Australian would have bought me a drink?

I know he'd buy you a drink. What do you need drinks for? I'm buying.

Maybe I don't want to get drinks from my married boss.

Ouch. Sometimes you can be so mean.

I'm not being mean. I'm telling the truth.

I don't want the truth tonight. Do you?

How much are these girls going to make tonight? More than my salary for a week?


I should just quit my fucking job. Become a stripper.

Well we can put you on tonight for amateur hour.

You wouldn't be able to handle it.

Neither would you.

This isn't my first strip club, you know.

Who took you to your first one?

Took me?

Yeah. I assume you didn't walk in by yourself and fill out an application.

I actually took my ex boyfriend to one. At the end of our relationship. I thought it would
help to save it.

How's that?

I don't know. I wanted to be the girl who was cool enough to take her boy to strip clubs.

Did he buy you a lap dance?

No, he bought me drinks.

Why did it end?

He cheated.

DId you cheat?

No, never. Have you ever cheated?

No. It's hard enough to keep one woman happy. Let alone two.

You may be the angel after all.

I know. I'm hoping you're the devil.

What does the angel want the devil to do?

Nah. I'm not going to tell you. It will spoil all the fun.

We're having fun?

Your empty empty wine glass tell me we are.

Your empty wallet tells me we are.

Your ex boyfriend, he had good taste.

Oh, you know that girl he fucked?

No, I know the girl he had sex with. The girl he fucked. She was just easy. Low self
esteem. No fuss.

And the girl he had sex with?

She was intimidating. Smarter than him. Beautiful. Gave him a hard time for

She only gives people she loves a hard time.

He loved her. He was just young. He wasn't ready to settle down. Once he was ready he
begged to get her back?

He did. But she had moved on.

She doesn't think about him anymore?

No. How does her story end? When all of the guys are going for the girl to fuck?

No. She doesn't need to worry about that. She's amazing.

She's drunk. I forget which one she's supposed to be. The angel or the devil?

Whichever one she wants.

For you WWFI fans.  This is a follow up to this.  


  1. Wow! What a conversation!

  2. This might be the best thing I've read here.

  3. I love this! Reminds me of my own strip club experience with a new love interest and then later a former boss of mine. Sexy, erotic, strange, exciting and forbidden are all words, feelings that come to mind. I felt like I understood men just a little bit better, but you articulated it so well here. Thanks!