Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ways to celebrate 420 (for non stoners)

Do you ever feel like you are missing out on life by not being a complete waste of life pothead?  Well you too can feel the joys of being stuck in another world, losing your ability to focus and complete tasks!  Just complete the following steps

Consume hot dogs like you’re jabba the hut.  Eat one and feel immensely proud of accomplishing something.  Then completely erase the taste, texture and feeling of satiety from your memory.  Repeat hot dog eating cycle until you’ve determined “whoa dude, I’ve eaten too many hot dogs.”

Lay down on the floor.  Wiggle your ass back and forth on the ground and pronounce “I’m a mushroom. I live in the ground.”

Think about how fucking crazy the concept of e-mail is.  Words that don’t actually exist in the physical form are floating through space to your friends on other parts of the globe.  Instantaneously.  Think about this idea until it has consumed the entire part of your brain devoted to understanding the concept of paying rent.

Know, instinctively, that the cops are on their way.  Even though you’re an upstanding, tax paying adult – they will bust you.  Even if you live in a state where marijuana is legal, they’re going to find a reason to club your ass and send you to jail.   

Tell everyone you know “how fucking high” you are.  Really, do it.  Because everyone is curious and dying to know.

Discover an unnatural love for jam bands.  Don’t know what a jam band is?  Just ask yourself “does this song have a 20 minute guitar intro” … if the answer is yes, you’ve got yourself your fucking jam band.  And if you actually realize that 20 minutes have gone by, know that this is a sign that you are not actually high.

Scrunch up your face really tight to see if your brain explodes.


  1. You are a riot! Thanks for the morning giggles!

  2. this is the best damn thing ive read in a while. thank you

  3. Wiggling your rump on the ground is a great way of squishing the parasites. You don't have to be stoned to do it.