Monday, November 1, 2010

My pathetic attempt at stalking boys in high school

As a preface to all of you who know me in real life: I am a legit brunette.  Said hair was not dyed until college.  All pre-college depictions will show me with my natural hair color.  And also for reasons unfathomable to me, I had a huge "thing" for pothead boys in high school.

In high school I loved GIANT STONER.  He and I worked at the pool together over the summer.  And although he was two years younger than me and had failed English twice, I was convinced that we were meant to be together.  His uniform was a dirty phish tshirt and a facial expression that read "I'm a future college dropout."

At the same time my good friend Susan got her license and a new smoking hot car - a used white Jeep Wrangler with hot pink and blue stripes on the side.  However, Susan lacked the skills necessary in order to drive this stick shift vehicle.

On many occasions Susan and I would drive around after cheerleading practice, making sure to drive by the homes of our crushes.  I literally have no idea what we hoped to gain from this as literally nothing good came out of this venture.

One time Susan and I were driving by GIANT STONER'S house.  Her car stalled OUTSIDE HIS FRONT DOOR.  And then Susan couldn't figure out how to get the car started for an HOUR.  I started to panic that he was going to see us and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were stalking him. Susan calmed me down by saying "what are the odds he was even home?" and I lulled myself to sleep with that belief.

The next day at school the incident had gone unnoticed.  It was as if I had never engaged in multiple acts of stalker drive bys all year round.

And then the last period bell rang and GIANT STONER came up to me and asked me if I was outside of his house the other night.  I tried to lie but then he proceeded to rattle of the defining features of said vehicle.  THE UNMISTAKEABLE PINK AND BLUE STRIPES.

Then I just stared at the ground and mumbled something about how we were going to ring the door bell and ask his brother a question.  GIANT STONER just stared back at me with his giant blood shot eyes. I tried to twirl around my cheerleading skirt to distract him but that did not work.  I remained powerless against the discerning skills of a near imbecile who was high as a kite.  HE KNEW.

/end of pathetic geek story


  1. this is hilarious because its not :-)

  2. First, I too loved Susan and her jeep. although I think I liked the story of how she drove her car into a lake even more.

    Second, as a 2002 grad of PHS, I'm positively dying to know who GIANT STONER is. PLEASE tell me!!! Privately, of course.