Oooooh EMAIL. I must read it.
Gah, it's YOU. We used to work together. I basically tolerated you but we sat next door. You were like the tofu of coworkers. I didn't mind if you were in the dish but you couldn't hold up on your own. I have made NO EFFORT to see you since I left my old job. THERE IS A REASON FOR THIS. You're not even interesting enough for me to HATE YOU.
Oh dear god and you're now PREGNANT so there will be no wine at your party. Or maybe there will be but you will sit there with your husband all PREGNANTY and stare and judge.
And the party is at some 4 star restaurant in WEST HOLLYWOOD. I will have to PAY OUT MY ASS for this TORTURE.
Look at how nice you are, you also invited MY OLD BOSS WHO I HATE.
STAB STAB STAB STAB HATE HATE HATE HATE
"Please reply by October 5th" ..... yeah right. I will IGNORE YOU FOREVER.
Thoughts I have after your call me to follow up to see why I haven't responded your e-mail about the birthday party.
Gah, it's YOU AGAIN. Ignore ignore ignore. How did you find me???? Why did I give you my phone number????
Ahhhh and you're all pregnant and TRACKING ME DOWN. For the love of god why didn't I just respond to the e-mail. I do not have a valid excuse for ditching the party.
God, I am an awful person. I am ignoring a pregnant woman I used to work with. She is nice and all. I should not be mean. Maybe she has no friends. I can suck it up. I can do it.
I will e-mail and say I am busy.