Monday, June 13, 2011

The magic timer that lives inside of every man

I spent a good two years trying not to care anymore that my college boyfriend cheated on me and subsequently broke my heart.  The first six months post break up, I tried to ignore the feelings of utter despair and madness through drinking heavily and flinging myself at every available man roaming Lake Shore Drive.  I also buried myself in my grad student work.  This led to some low moments, such as falling drunk in a guy's bathroom and inadvertently peeing in his bath tub and high moments like kicking every single person's ass in class.  It was during this time that I kept telling myself that it was a great thing that College Boyfriend had run away with his student and I was now single and alone.  I even made a mental list of the positives in case reality sunk in on the train and I had nowhere to hide and cry.

  1. I didn't have to worry about the frequency of which I had to shave my legs 
  2. I would never have to hang out with his evil friend Charlton 
  3. I would never again be forced to go snowboarding
  4. I no longer had to admit I was dating a Republican
  5. I was free to revenge sex his old roommate (I never claimed to be a saint)

 But regardless of the clear and evident perks, I still spent every night wishing he would magically appear in my sleep and all of the sadness would evaporate.  Some nights he would call but nothing would ever materialize.  Every conversation led to one of us remembering why there was an end.  And then the calls became less frequent, my drunken escapades calmed down and I took an awesome job.  I used the one trump I have for getting over failed relationships - I moved to a state my ex didn't live in.  I started building my career, forming new friendships, figuring out what my hobbies looked like when they weren't shared with someone else.  I attempted running and knitting.  I spent far too much money at the mall.  And somewhere between expensive denim purchases and long car rides listening to Ben Folds, my attachment to that old relationship melted.  And I started to see myself as independent from the "we" that we used to have.

And one day, whilst living in HIS dream city of Boston I got a call from College Boyfriend.  He was coming in town on a business trip.  He asked if he could see me for dinner.  I think I gave him all of 4 minutes to talk to me on the phone.  I had friends to see that weekend.  I didn't have time for him.  But the plans with friends fell through and I thought, what the fuck might as well see him.  I knew the heart strings he once monopolized could no longer be pulled.  And we spent all evening out in the city together.  We went from cocktail bar to wine bar, to late night hot dogs in the South End.  And at the end of the night he stayed over.  Sleeping on the cold side of my bed while I was curled up on the other side and refused to touch him.  I was finally immune to his charms.

That was the last time that I ever saw him.  And in two short years times had really changed.  I went from a needy girl who missed him to a woman who didn't think he deserved the time of day.  And yes - to answer your next question he kept calling.  And I stopped answering.

There is a magical device that lets men know to the second the day that you no longer care about him.  This also marks day one of when he typically decides to come back into your life.   Women also have a timer - it's the day that they give up on you and decide to move on and live their dream life.  And if you're lucky, really lucky - you may make it before the buzzer goes off and find some space still in her heart that she's willing to share.


  1. Your blog has a magic timer in sync with my life! It is eerie how often you post things that absolutely relate to something I am experiencing at that time. I.E. this post came just hours after I received an email from an old lover of mine. Last time we saw each other we admitted that every time we hooked up we later deleted the others phone number - just to track it down again weeks later because we were both Jonesing for more. This time, I deleted him for good and cut off all ties. Just when I don't even think about him at night anymore... I wake up in the morning to an email from him! So weird...

  2. I was drawn to your blog, because of the title... to which I can relate :)

    This post reminds me that I once read, don't remember where, that once a woman decides that she doesn't want to be with a guy that there is nothing that can change that. It might as well be carved in stone.

    I liked the idea
    "Women also have a timer - it's the day that they give up on you and decide to move on and live their dream life. And if you're lucky, really lucky - you may make it before the buzzer goes off and find some space still in her heart that she's willing to share."
    you've put the dating power (that all to often feels like its in the guy's control) back with women. Love that strength!