Monday, March 7, 2011

Thoughts I have while taking a group fitness class

I am the ugliest person here

There are different kinds of gym go-ers.  There are the girls who wake up at 6am and carefully chose their coordinated spandex outfit and artfully twist up their hair to properly bead off their sweat and make them look fantastic.  Then there are girls like me who wake up late, chug coffee and wear ugly t shirts to spin class.  Because of this, I devote the first five minutes of any exercise class to telling myself I really need to get my shit together because I am the ugliest person here.

The pregnant instructor is in better shape than me

Some days this motivates me to work harder but some days this cues self defeating thoughts about how I’m lazy and should crawl in a hole and die. 

Is that cute guy single?

You there – boy in the back row of yoga.  You look hot smart.  I bet you have a stable income and like to watch well made movies.  Perhaps you like to eat?  Well you are in luck because I want to feed you.  You look like you want to cuddle.  Cuddle me specifically.  Let’s just forgo the dating process and get married. 

Oh the humanity, your music sucks

Spin class is basically like a club.  You want loud pop/hip hop music with simple lyrics and a beat that will distract you from the pain in your thighs.  Many spin instructors understand this simple concept.  But there are a few who insist on killing you slowly with their wordless techno music, James Taylor, Pink Floyd B sides and Chumbawamba. 

If they don’t turn on the fans, I will kill a bitch

You may love the feeling of sweat dripping over your disgusting flesh.  I do not.  When the instructor asks if he/she should crank up the industrial bambi killing air conditioners, you shout NO and allow your sweat to bounce off of you and onto my eye ball.  For that, I will knife you in the parking lot.  


  1. Girls that look pretty at the gym aren't working hard enough and are probably achieving that look more via anorexia and less via proper exercise. Eff them.

  2. You should absolutely not feel lazy. At least you go to the gym. I do not. I really should.

    I also hate any group endeavor where the instructor/leader/person in charge asks something and the one person who is quick enough and loud enough sets the answer for everyone else. (i.e. the air conditioning situation.)

  3. Hallelujah. Nothing worse than morning gym-goers who have already showered and fixed their hair. But at least you let it motivate you instead of daydreaming of keying their car or something. I like your attitude.