So there was a point in my life when I thought yoga was a giant waste of time whose sole purpose was to affirm the life choices of ambitionless hippies. The gym was like a production floor to me, churning out calories at a maximum rate. I wanted efficiency, predictability and results. I would sporadically take yoga classes because everyone was doing it but I wasn’t quite sure what the fuss was all about. At my first yoga class I remember those last 5 minutes of silence and rest were the worst five minutes of my life. Who the fuck has the time to relax? I thought. Instead of letting go, I ran through my long list of “must do’s”( who I was thinking about fucking) and mentally revising my list of enemies. When my dad (a long time yogi) asked me what I thought about class I said “umm, was that a work out because half of those people were asleep.” And then I judged them HARD and basically gave up on the whole idea for many many years.
Spring forward 5ish years and I’m now taking at least two yoga classes a week. Sitting in tree pose last night I thought about the
woman girl I used to be. When yoga seemed like a joke I was:
More concerned with winning than really anything else.
Thought relaxing, vacations and leaving work at a decent hour were concepts designed by the lazy.
Buying a shit load of expensive clothes. Hoarding is probably the better verb.
Aligning myself with people who lived a lifestyle I believed I wanted to have.
Drinking a lot.
Anyone see a pattern? Clearly I didn’t until last night. I’ve intentionally made a lot of changes in my life this year and it’s terrifying to see that I’m become the laid back hippie my parents always wanted me to be. I literally have to stop and ask “who the fuck am I?” as I watch myself baking, going to church and passing up on opportunities to drink my face off.
But back to yoga – last night I got incredibly excited as I realized how flexible I was becoming. I literally caught myself thinking “dude, I need to go back and do the sit and reach for my old gym teachers, I would ROCK that.” And lest you think I’m a physical anomaly, I was thinking all of this while next to the most flexible tiny asian man in the world. He could literally sauté a nice ahi tuna whilst upside down on one arm. But his ethereal skills didn’t pressure me or get me down, I just thought “wow” and went back to concentrating on my own small victories.
And that, my friends, is what yoga is all about.