Friday, February 25, 2011

The (depressing) facts of life

There will be Friday after work traffic for the rest of your life.

You will never be as cool as The Fonz.

It’s really hard to find the book you want in the library.  It’s easier to go to Borders.

Someone somewhere is scratching themselves right now.

Your friends don't take you seriously.

Every time you leave home, your plants attempt to commit suicide.

You are not lactose intolerant.  Lactose is intolerant of YOU.

Oops, you didn’t do it again.

When you are crying alone in your apartment, prettier people are out drinking mojitos and getting laid.

You cannot give birth in a hot tub.

Everyone can tell you are wearing your ugly underwear.

Your parents never took you to see Bozo the clown.

Jason Segel will never be your boyfriend.


  1. Not true; I'm already cooler than the Fonz. I ride a bigger motorcycle, look better in a leather jacket, and my catchphrases are more varied and intimidating.

  2. I think my plants do try to kill themselves when I leave. I am so nice to them and give them lots of water (and conversation... yeah...) and still they hate life.

  3. "It’s really hard to find the book you want in the library. It’s easier to go to Borders."

    Tehehehehe. This is so true.

  4. This made me giggle... especially the scratching part.