In honor of Valentine’s Day, I present to you the awkward things I did in high school to get boys to love me.
Moved into the locker next to him. He was a junior, in a band and had nice hair. His locker was next to one of my best friends. I innocently asked her one day if I could store my stuff in her locker, which was closer to my chemistry class. I chatted him up in between classes. He gave me a mixed tape. We went to a high school dance. And that was the last time I’ve ever spoken to him.
Made a t shirt out of a nickname he gave me. There was one boy in my Spanish class who liked to tease me. He was a giant stoner so of course I was in love. He called me Kenny. My cheerleading coach gave us the option of putting our nicknames instead of our last names on our cheerleading tees for the basketball season. I came up with the brilliant idea of putting “Kenny” on the back of mine. And then I wore it to class on multiple occasions and he never noticed. In retrospect, I assume that’s because he was completely stoned.
Attempted to turn down a trip to
. Another giant stoner and I were starting to hit things off at the tail end of my senior year in high school. My parents had paid for a summer abroad in Costa Rica as my graduation gift. As the departure date grew closer I started freaking out in the way only a 17 year old girl could. I refused to renew my passport; I skipped the orientation meeting and faked a mysterious illness. I worried that if I went away I’d miss my opportunity to have my first real boyfriend. Luckily, my mom drove me to downtown Costa Rica for an emergency passport and shoved me onto a plane. And to her credit- I forgot about the boy and made out with everyone in Chicago . Costa Rica
Bought way too many J Crew sweaters. He was tall, dark, handsome and on his way to Yale. And now that I think about it, probably gay. He worked behind the register at the J Crew at the Woodfield Mall. Each time I paid $100 for a boxy, lifeless wool sweater I had a chance to stare into his dreamy eyes. And now those sweaters are collecting dust in the back of my closet in