Sunday, November 28, 2010

The ultimate question(s)

My apologizes ahead of time to anyone who basically has felt like a normal part of the fabric of society.  I would suggest that a) I am not your friend and b) you will not find what I have to write very interesting.

When you are single you spend a lot of time alone.  And the more time you spend in your aloneness the more time that you have to ponder the ultimate question:

What the fuck is wrong with me?

And I don't mean this in the suicidal rock star kind of way but more in the ... am I a complete freak show kind of way?

And these thoughts are not all consuming and overwhelming.  It's just that one day, on the way to work you're at a red light and it suddenly occurs to you that deep down inside you may be a complete psychopath.  And then you spend your entire day at work staring at the humans around you, dissecting inside and out how you can walk talk and speak just like them but deep down inside you know you belong on the fringes of society.  Some random engineer chats you up about their kid's soccer game over the weekend and you realize that you spent some of the weekend wondering why professional sports even matter when we're all essentially molecules floating through space.

Side note: Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and stood there freaking out that the thing staring back at you is ACTUALLY YOU???

And I assume that these scary introspective single thoughts are why everyone around you wants to find you a significant other.  Because once you've entered into the relationship zone you become focused on an entirely different question.  And that question being:

What the fuck is wrong with my boyfriend?

Where before you could spend time wondering who controls the thoughts in your head, you can now devote hours to wondering why your boyfriend can't muster up the energy to buy full price toilet paper.  These are probably more healthy productive thoughts that lead to showing said boyfriend the way towards normalcy  .... all the while keeping your mind off the fact that you may in fact be living in your own personal truman show .....

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