Friday, January 28, 2011

5 things that I shouldn't like (but I do anyways)

  • The Counting Crows - Let's all put on an album and contemplate suicide.
    • Sure, every one of their songs sound exactly the same.  And Adam Duritz is probably a complete tool.  (Why would a grown man willingly look like Side Show Bob?)  But once I hear the "sha la la la" intro to Mr Jones intro I'm transfixed.  
  • Chipotle - Giving millions of Americans food babies every day. 
    • Chipotle is the oasis in the desert for the hungover.  Once you prop yourself off of your hardwood floor and take a good look at yourself in the mirror ... head to a Chipotle and stuff yourself with that sweet sweet barbacoa.  Feel better champ?  Sure, they'll charge you $12.99 for guacamole.  And yes, there will be 20 skater punks ahead of you in line.  And yes, they're owned by the giant suckhole that is McDonald's but just this once, for this one hangover, hold the diet and get yourself a burrito.
  • Tim Tebow - Literally the poster child for the pro-life movement.  
    • Where do I start with poor Tim?  For one, Tim was home-schooled.  I imagine the results of this upbringing render Tebow's social skills akin to the wild boys in The Lord of the Flies.  Also, Tebow appeared in a pro-life advertisement during the super bowl.  Tebow is "saving himself for marriage" as I'm sure we all imagine that Heisman trophy winners are capable of.  But one look at Tim Tebow's delicious biceps and all is forgiven.  Hell, I'd even go to church if it meant Tim and I could be together.  Forever. 
  • Old School - let's give up hope that men ever grow up!
    • I pride myself on being an intellectual career woman.  But damn, give me a 5 minute gag about a petting zoo, a dart gun and a children's birthday party and I will gladly give up an evening of watching Masterpiece Theater. 
  • The smell of gasoline - yep, you heard me.
    • No one would ever argue the merits of craving the scent of industrial fuel.  I have nothing to say for myself.

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