I’ve come to the conclusion that literally no one enjoys the constant parade of bodily fluid swapping known as the hook up. Despite what we keep telling ourselves “it’s an ego boost!” “I don’t need a boyfriend” “sometimes you just need to get a piece” … we know deep in our hearts that we’re lying. And I’m not morally against lying per se but against lying when it comes to yourself. Human beings are crafty at many things (yay opposable thumbs) but craftiest by far at convincing yourself of something that you don’t really believe to be true. (Like my constant attempts to appear to be less of the yuppie than I really am – more on that later).
Hook up patterns start primarily in college where alcohol and mattresses are prominent. You can kind of get a pass in that period of your life because none of us knew what the eff we were doing – we didn’t really know who we were or what we wanted out of life. But as we grew older, we packed up our belongings at college and brought them to new and interesting cities …. We also decided to pack up our hook up lifestyle and spread it like cancer. As we upgraded our careers and living situations we forgot to elevate our expectations of the opposite sex. It was still OK to meet a boy at a party and take him to your bedroom at 25. And the tale ended in never speaking to that person again or staying in relationship limbo where nothing is defined, there are no expectations and no one is satisfied. (There are people who transitioned their hook ups to full fledged relationships but by in large these are the exception, not the rule).
Yes, there are days when a hot make out session gives you everything you needed in life. But I believe on average, the pattern gets old. There are days you wake up and wish there was a person to actually TALK TO lying next to you as opposed to a person you are wishing will leave your apartment sooner rather than later. You start wishing that there was someone in your life who wanted to share more than your body. Maybe someone who would enjoy long days watching college football, eating your appetizers and drinking craft beer (P.S. if you are said gentleman who enjoys this - for the love of god FIND ME).
The awful truth about hooking up is that it gets old and starts to suck. Physical intimacy is a poor substitute for emotional intimacy. The former fizzles like a quick flame on a stove, the latter grows and intensifies.
And since I have close friends on both the male and female side of the camp – I can assure you that there are representatives on both sides that agree. Despite our repeated attempts to hook up and convince ourselves it doesn’t matter, in the end I have heard men and women alike say they’re looking for love and friendship over groping strangers at a club in West Hollywood. The problem lies in the fact that it’s easier to get the quick fix and harder and more risky to wear your heart on your sleeve. To all of my friends (boys and girls) – I hope you find a way to put the heart back out there. I know you will all make wonderful boyfriend/girlfriends/husbands/wives to someone special.